Episode 12
Narrative
NICK
Nearly ready. Oh, there we are! Oh, perfect! Now – the living room! Oh, there! Just there! Oh, yeah, perfect, baby! Now, refreshments!
Ha-haa! Cola – yes! Crisps – yes! And finally, mwah! Dial-A-Pizza – yes! Ohh! Only two hours to go!
BRIDGET
Nick!
What is your television doing in my bathroom?
NICK
Oh, hi Bridget. So I don’t miss anything.
BRIDGET
Miss anything?
NICK
Yeah, if I have to, you know, when the match is on.
BRIDGET
Oh, the match. So who’s playing today?
NICK
It’s the semi-finals. England…
BRIDGET
Versus…?
HECTOR
Ar-gen-tina!
NICK
Hey, Hector, great outfit – but wrong team! Ha-haaa!
HECTOR & NICK
Oooohhhh!
NICK
And I’ve got my lucky World Cup pants on. Ooh-ooh-ooohhh!
BRIDGET
Your lucky World Cup pants?
NICK
Yup. I don’t change them when the World Cup is on.
BRIDGET
But it lasts for weeks.
NICK
Yeah!
So, Hector, I’ve got the refreshments ready – Cola, crisps…
BRIDGET
TV in the bathroom.
HECTOR
At what time is kick-off?
NICK
Midday.
HECTOR
Oh, we had better sit down then!
ANNIE
Hello, everyone. Charlie and I are ready for the match.
HECTOR
Oh, Annie, you look nice!
BRIDGET
Your ribbons are different.
ANNIE
That’s right. One for England and one for Argentina.
HECTOR
Oh, how sweet.
NICK
But of course England will win.
HECTOR
I don’t think so, Nick.
NICK
We beat Jamaica 4-2.
HECTOR
But we beat Italy 3-0.
NICK
Well, our strikers are the best in the world.
HECTOR
But your defence is poor.
NICK
No, it’s not.
HECTOR
Yes, it is.
NICK
It’s not! It’s not! It’s not!
HECTOR
It is! It is! It is!
ANNIE
Break!
And now make friends.
Sound of dog barking
BRIDGET
Oh, you’re so childish. Miguel arrives today. At least he’s a real man.
NICK
Yeah, but he loves football too. [Sound of telephone ringing] … A Spanish supporter.
BRIDGET
Hello?
NICK
We’ll beat them, in the final.
BRIDGET
Nick, for you. Your agent.
NICK
Ooh, goodie! Hi, Cameron. How are you? Good.
An audition? For me? Hey-hey! What for? London On Fire? The soap? Yessss! When? Today? At midday? Where? Birmingham? But that’s 100 miles away! No, of course I’m pleased!
OK, thank you! Bye!
ANNIE
An audition for London On Fire? That’s brilliant!
HECTOR
Yeah, you must be pleased, man.
NICK
Yes, I am.
I am very, very pleased.
I am so happy.
HECTOR
I can see that.
NICK
Why today? Why this afternoon? Why in Birmingham? What about the football?
BRIDGET
Oh, it’s only a football game.
NICK
Bridget, there are some people who think that football is a matter of life and death. It isn’t. It is much-more important-than-that!
BRIDGET
Don’t go to the audition then.
NICK
Don’t go? Don’t go? I must go. Drama is my life.
ANNIE
Look, Nick, we can record it for you.
HECTOR
Yeah, and we won’t tell you the score.
NICK
Really? You won’t tell me the score. You promise?
ANNIE
Promise.
HECTOR
Promise.
BRIDGET
OK, promise.
NICK
OK! I will go – and perform for England!
BRIDGET [Composing email]
World Cup! World Cup! World Cup!
Today England play Argentina.
NICK
But of course England will win.
BRIDGET [Composing email]
Do I care?
HECTOR & NICK
Ooooooohhhhh!
NICK [Composing email]
The good news is: I have an audition for London On Fire. I am so happy.
NICK
Yesss!
NICK [Composing email]
The bad news is: it’s in Birmingham this afternoon, so I won’t see the semi-final! What a tragedy!
NICK
I am so happy! [Sobbing noises]
BRIDGET
I don’t believe it. It’s a very, very bad hair day. Oh, and Miguel is arriving this evening.
It’s a disaster.
Ohhh! It’s a catastrophe.
I said, it’s a catastrophe.
HECTOR
What is a catastrophe?
ANNIE
Bridget’s hair.
HECTOR
Oh.
BRIDGET
Got to do something.
I know – Carol! She’ll help me.
VOICE ON TELEVISION
…we’ve got all the action coming up.
BRIDGET
Hello? Carol? Bridget here. Look, this is an emergency. I need a hair appointment. I need a style that a Spanish football fan will adore.
You can? Oh, goodie.
I’ll see you at 5 o’clock.
Sorted!
VOICE ON TELEVISION
…this semi-final we’re seeing the two giants of football, England and Argentina…
BRIDGET
Come on, England!
HECTOR
Come on, Argentina!
VOICE ON TELEVISION
…but that strong team. England … … … I think … … score! Yes! It looks like it – aww! Oh! Now, Argentina, have they got … … .. They’re looking dangerous! They’ve got through the defence and, and they score! Come on, England. They’ve got to pull themselves together. And who’s this? Look at him. … … … … … … … match and England have … … … and yes! … … …! … … …
BRIDGET
Wow! What a game!
ANNIE
Yeah, it was fantastic!
Oh, poor Hector.
Argentina did very well against England.
BRIDGET
Yeah, but not well enough!
ANNIE
Ooh, we must not look too happy.
We promised Nick not to tell him the score and Hector, you must not look too sad.
Come on, try to smile. Come on, snuggly-puppykins. Like this. Hmm, it’ll do.
Sound of door opening
ANNIE
Oh, hi Nick.
NICK
Hello.
BRIDGET
Hi, Nick.
NICK
Good match?
ANNIE
You know, so-so.
BRIDGET
Yeah.
NICK
Where’s the tape?
BRIDGET
Hector’s got it.
NICK
Where’s Hector?
BRIDGET
In your apartment.
NICK
Oh. Bye then.
BRIDGET and ANNIE
Bye.
Sound of door slamming
ANNIE and BRIDGET
[Laughing/sound of handclapping]
NICK
Hi, Hector.
HECTOR
Nick, my friend, you are back.
NICK
Is this is the football match?
HECTOR
Yup.
What?
NICK
You won, didn’t you.
HECTOR
Won what?
NICK
The football. Argentina beat England, didn’t they.
HECTOR
Nick, I promised you I wouldn’t say anything.
NICK
But I know. You’re so happy.
HECTOR
No, I’m not.
NICK
I knew it! I knew it!
Oh, poor England, my country. Oh.
HECTOR
Nick, you can watch the match on video.
NICK
Oh, I can’t bear it. How, Hector, how could you? How could Argentina beat England? Ohh!
HECTOR
Nick, just watch the tape.
BRIDGET
Oh, I can’t wait to see Miguel! I’m going to the hairdresser’s to get my hair done for gorgeous Miguel. Bye!
Sound of telephone ringing
HECTOR
Hello?
MIGUEL
Hola, Hector, soy Miguel ¡de Barcelona!
HECTOR
Hola, Miguel, soy Hector ¡de Argentina! O Bridget acaba de salir.
MIGUEL
No, quiero hablar contigo. Necesito aprender inglés para Bridget.
HECTOR
OK, repeat after me – repita conmigo: “Bridget, you are so beautiful.”
MIGUEL
“Bridget, you are so beautiful.”
HECTOR
“Bridget, I love your hair.”
MIGUEL
“Bridget, I love your hair.”
HECTOR
“And your smile.”
MIGUEL
“And your smile.”
Hector, muchas gracias!
HECTOR
No problem, Miguel. See you later.
ANNIE
Hector and Bridget! How could they?
BRIDGET [Composing email]
I love football, especially our gorgeous English players. But I am sorry for Hector, because England beat Argentina.
ANNIE
Argentina did very well against England.
BRIDGET
Yeah, but not well enough!
BRIDGET [Composing email]
Well, only a little bit sorry!
ANNIE [Composing email]
Bridget is having a bad hair today and she is worried because Miguel is arriving this evening.
BRIDGET
This is an emergency. I need a hair appointment. I need a style that a Spanish football fan will adore.
ANNIE [Composing email]
But then I heard Hector talking to Bridget on the phone. He said she was beautiful.
HECTOR
“Bridget, you are so beautiful.”
ANNIE [Composing email]
I don’t understand.
Crashing and banging noises
HECTOR
Annie. An-nie?
ANNIE
Yes, Hector?
HECTOR
Are you all right?
ANNIE
Yes.
HECTOR
Are you cross about something?
ANNIE
Oh, why do you think that?
HECTOR
Oh, Annie, come and sit down.
NICK [Watching football match]
Aagh/ooh/yes!!!
HECTOR
Annie, have I done something wrong?
NICK [Watching football match]
… … … Yessss! Wooohh! … … …
HECTOR
Well, if you don’t tell me, I won’t know.
ANNIE
Oh, you know Hector.
You know!
NICK
Yessss! Yesssss! Yessss! We won! We won! We’re in the final!
Sorry, have I missed something?
ANNIE
Bridget?
Bridget, what’s wrong? Why have you got a bag on your head?
BRIDGET
Ohhh, ohhh!
ANNIE
Come on, let’s take it off.
BRIDGET
Leave it!
ANNIE
Is it your hair?
Well, but it can’t be that bad.
BRIDGET
It is!
ANNIE
Oh, come on.
BRIDGET
Do you promise not to laugh?
ANNIE
We promise. Don’t we.
BRIDGET
All right then, here goes.
ANNIE
It’s very… nice.
Sound of laughter
BRIDGET
I knew it. I knew you’d laugh. Oh, it’s a disaster. And Miguel will be here any moment.
Sound of door being knocked
BRIDGET
Ahhh! That’s him! Oh! He mustn’t see me like this!
ANNIE
Miguel? Oh, come in! I’ll just tell Bridget. Pssstt, Bridget! Miguel’s here.
BRIDGET
I don’t want to see him. I can’t.
ANNIE
Trust me, Bridget, he will love your hair.
BRIDGET
Miguel!
MIGUEL
Bridget, you are so beautiful. I love your hair, and your smile.
BRIDGET
I love your hair.
MIGUEL
So, Spain versus England in the World Cup final. Poor old England.
NICK
On the contrary, my Spanish friend. Prepare to die.
ANNIE
Nick, please ask Hector to pass the crisps.
NICK
Hector, Annie says can you pass the crisps.
HECTOR
Ah-ah-ah-ah.
Please ask Annie why hasn’t she spoken to me for two days.
NICK
Annie, Hector says why haven’t you spoken to him for two days.
ANNIE
Tell him – hmm!
NICK
She says – hmm!
BRIDGET
Shhh! It’s starting.
VOICE ON TELEVISION
….final between England and their arch-rivals Spain!
NICK
Come on, England, come on.
BRIDGET
Come on, Spain.
Assorted inaudible comments and noises
BRIDGET
Go on!
VOICE ON TELEVISION
…and here’s Spain – and it’s a goal!
ALL
Yes!!/goal!!
VOICE ON TELEVISION
England have the ball. They are heading for gold. And it’s…
HECTOR
Annie?
VOICE ON TELEVISION
Now, the final…
HECTOR
Can I ask you something?
ANNIE
Yes, Hector?
HECTOR
Have you ever thought about getting married?
ANNIE
Who to?
HECTOR
Oh, to someone – someone like – me.
VOICE ON TELEVISION
…and he shoots and he scores!
NICK
I don’t believe it! What a match!
BRIDGET
Oh, Spain played really well.
NICK
Yeah, but not well enough!
BRIDGET
Oh, poor Miguel. Speak to me in English again.
MIGUEL
“Bridget, you are so beautiful. I love your hair and your smile.”
NICK
Is that all he knows?
HECTOR
Yup, and I taught him.
ANNIE
When?
HECTOR
On the phone.
ANNIE
Oh! You were on the phone to Miguel!
HECTOR
Teaching him English.
ANNIE
Oh, silly me. I thought you were talking to Bridget.
HECTOR
Oh, Annie, there is only one person for me.
NICK
Me?
HECTOR
Well?
Will you?
NICK
Will she what?
HECTOR
Marry me?
ANNIE
Yes, Hector!
Whooping and shouting
COMMENTARY [v.o.]
Next time in EXTRA, Hector and Annie plan their wedding, Nick is in for a surprise, and guess who’s coming from Argentina?
EXTRA, don’t miss it!