Episode 22
Narrative
ANNIE
And I can see a great big bowl of dog food and on the bowl it says a name. It says… Charley! It must be tea-time, Charley!
BRIDGET
Guess what?
ANNIE
Ooh, you’ve just met Brad Pitt.
BRIDGET
What? Don’t be ridiculous, Annie. I’ve just been to see Rose Marie.
ANNIE
Who’s Rose Marie?
BRIDGET
My fortune teller, and she says I’m going to meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger!
ANNIE
Oooh! When?
BRIDGET
She didn’t say.
ANNIE
Where?
BRIDGET
She didn’t say.
ANNIE
It must be true then.
BRIDGET
Maybe I’ll meet him at tonight’s Halloween party. Ooh, have you read your horoscopes for today?
ANNIE
No.
BRIDGET
Read mine.
ANNIE
Aquarius, Libra, Leo – ah! Taurus, the Bull. “Taurus: Today you will be in for a big surprise.”
BRIDGET
Oh, goodie!
Banging noise/sound of screaming
BRIDGET
I’m getting a name. It’s. . . Nick.
NICK
Ooh, Gigi, you must be psychic! Oww!
HECTOR
Sidekick?
NICK
No, not sidekick – psy-chic – a fortune teller.
ANNIE
Someone who can see the future.
HECTOR
Ah, like Nostradamus.
ANNIE
Er…
NICK
Who?
ANNIE
Kind of .. like horoscopes or Tarot.
NICK
Ah, Tarot! The Death card. Look! It’s Bridget with no make-up.
Sound of laughter
ANNIE
Like having the palm of your hand read.
NICK
Nah, rubbish. There’s nothing there.
BRIDGET
What a surprise. Come here, give me your hand. I’ll give you a lesson. This one is your life line.
NICK
Oooohhhh…..
BRIDGET
This one is your lurve line.
NICK
Oh yes!
BRIDGET
And this one is your…
NICK
Oooff!
BRIDGET
….punch line!
NICK
Aww!
HECTOR
Punch line?
NICK
She means it’s the end of my lesson. Hey, Hector! What happens when you go to a fortune teller’s house?
Sound of atmospheric harp music
HECTOR
Come in!
BRIDGET
Ha-ha. Let’s see what your horoscope says.
NICK
Aw, you don’t believe all that rubbish, do you?
ANNIE
Rose Marie says that Bridget is going to meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger.
BRIDGET
Hector?
ANNIE
Bridget, this is my tall, dark, handsome stranger. Get your own.
NICK
Who is Rose Marie?
BRIDGET
My fortune teller.
NICK
Oh!
Is she good-looking? Could she find me a cute babe?
BRIDGET
Do you want to hear your horoscope or not?
NICK
Go on then. Aquarius.
BRIDGET
Aquarius, eh? I should’ve guessed. “This week beware of black hair and the number 3.”
NICK
Oooohhh. That means that three babes with black hair are going to chase me. Spooky!!
HECTOR
Oh, can I be Aquarius?
ANNIE
No!
NICK
Go on, Hector. Let’s go out. I’m gonna meet some black-haired babes.
BRIDGET
Put that umbrella down. It’s very unlucky.
NICK
But I’m feeling lucky! Oww! Ooh!
BRIDGET
Ooh, I wish I could meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger.
ANNIE
Well, let me look into my crystal ball.
BRIDGET
Annie, that’s a goldfish bowl.
ANNIE
So? I got it right for Charley, didn’t I, Charley.
Sound of knocking on door
BRIDGET
Ooh! That’ll be my stranger now! Oh, hello, Bernard.
ANNIE
Hello, Bernard, how are you?
BERNARD
Not happy. Not happy at all. I’ve lost my marbles.
BRIDGET
Oh dear. Bernard’s lost his marbles.
ANNIE
What? Oh! You mean Marbles, your cat!
BERNARD
And she’s not well. She’s got a cold.
ANNIE
Oh well, I’m sure you’ll find her. We’ll look out for her, Bernard.
BERNARD
I hope so. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
ANNIE
Poor Bernard.
BRIDGET
He’s lost his marbles. Well it had to happen!
ANNIE [Composing email]
Today is Hallowe’en and I’m practising my psychic skills.
ANNIE
And on the bowl it says a name. It says … Charley!
ANNIE [Composing email]
Bridget has been to see Rose Marie, her fortune teller, who told her she would meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger.
BRIDGET
Hello, Bernard.
ANNIE [Composing email]
Then Bernard knocked on the door! Poor Bernard said he had lost his cat, Marbles.
BRIDGET
Oh dear! Bernard’s lost his marbles!
ANNIE [Composing email]
Anyway, tonight we are all going to a Halloween party. I can’t wait!
NICK [Composing email]
Bridget read my horoscope today.
NICK
Ah, you don’t believe all that rubbish, do you?
NICK [Composing email]
It said ‘Beware of black hair and the number three!’
NICK
Oooh!
NICK [Composing email]
I think it means three black haired babes …
NICK
… Are going to chase me! Spooky!
NICK [Composing email]
I don’t have to beware of them, do I?
NICK & HECTOR
Oww!!
HECTOR
This is a true story about a man and wife on their honeymoon. They were in the car. It was late. The wife broke her mirror, which means seven years’ bad luck. Just then, they ran out of petrol, so the man told the wife to go for petrol.
ANNIE
He’s the man. He should’ve gone.
HECTOR
Equal opportunities. The wife was gone for a long time. Then boom, boom, boom. He heard a noise on the roof of the car. It got louder – boom, boom – and then his wife appeared. She smiled and walked away. The noise was very loud now. The man got out of his car and standing on the roof he saw a madman holding his wife’s head!
NICK, BRIDGET & ANNIE
Ahhh!
NICK
So the banging was…
ANNIE
Her head?!
BRIDGET
But he’d just seen his wife!
HECTOR
That… was her ghost!
NICK, BRIDGET & ANNIE
Ohhh!
ANNIE
Is that a true story?
HECTOR
Yeah.
BRIDGET
Tell us another!
NICK
No, don’t! I mean, it was a bit dull, wasn’t it?
ANNIE
Right, come on, let’s go shopping for the party.
BRIDGET
Yeah! I’m in the mood now.
HECTOR
Are you coming, Nick?
NICK
What? Oh, er, no. See you later.
One, two…. “Beware of black hair….” Three … … “…and the number 3.” Hah! So what? There are three apples – hah! Big deal. Arrrgghh! “It’s seven years of bad luck. Bad luck.” What rubbish! I think I’ll go back to my apartment now. Black cat. Black hair. Right, keep calm. Nice pussy!
Spooky sounds from TV programme
NICK
Who’s there? “Beware number three.” Aaargghh! Stop!
BRIDGET, HECTOR & ANNIE
Nick! Nick! Nick!
NICK
What?
ANNIE
He’s coming round.
NICK
Ahh! Ahh! What’s going on? Why are you dressed like that?
ANNIE
Nick! Have you forgotten? It’s Hallowe’en.
We’re going to the party.
NICK
Oh yeah.
HECTOR
I cannot get this knife into the pumpkin. Can you?
NICK
OK.
CHILDREN
Trick or treat!
ANNIE
Treat! There you are.
CHILDREN
Thank you.
ANNIE
Oh, aren’t they sweet.
NICK
Yeah, sweet.
ANNIE [Composing email]
Hector told us a ghost story today. It was scary.
HECTOR
This is a true story about a man and wife on their honeymoon.
ANNIE [Composing email]
One night, a honeymoon couple broke down in their car. The wife went to get the petrol, but only her ghost returned. Oooohhhhh! We’re having great fun this Hallowe’en!
NICK [Composing email]
Hector told us a stupid ghost story. Nothing scares me!
NICK
I think I’ll go back to my apartment now!
NICK [Composing email]
Bridget said, ‘Beware of the number three.’ Hmm!
Then I saw three apples.
NICK
One, two, three apples. Ohhhh! [Sound of breaking glass]
NICK [Composing email]
And three children playing ‘trick or treat’.
CHILDREN
Trick or treat!
NICK [Composing email]
I even saw a black cat. It’s all too much!
Sound of thunder
Sound of laughter
NICK
Those witches were very cute! I think the small one fancied you!
HECTOR
Do you think so?
NICK
Yeah!
BRIDGET
Boys, they weren’t pretending.
They really were witches.
HECTOR
Oh.
ANNIE
They were ugly enough.
HECTOR
Ho-ho.
ANNIE
Hey! The lights have gone out.
BRIDGET
It must be the storm. A power cut!
NICK
What was that?
HECTOR
Who was that?
NICK & HECTOR
Aaaarrggghhhh!
ANNIE
Bernard! What are you doing on the roof?
BERNARD
I still can’t find my Marbles.
HECTOR
Your marbles?
BRIDGET
His cat.
ANNIE
Bernard, I really don’t think that you should be on the roof.
BERNARD
Ohhhh!
ANNIE
Bernard? Bernard, are you OK?
BERNARD
Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll kill that cat when I find it!
ANNIE
I know! We’ll light a candle. Well, there’s no television, so I guess it’s time for bed.
NICK & HECTOR
Oh no!
BRIDGET
What’s the matter, boys? Are you scared of the dark?
NICK & HECTOR
No.
ANNIE
Well, if you’re not scared of the dark, then let’s play a game.
HECTOR
A game?
BRIDGET
Let’s get the ouija board out!
NICK
Ohhh….
HECTOR
B – That’s you, Bridget.
NICK
Ohhh…. … … ….. N!
HECTOR
That’s you, Nick! Bridget fancies Nick!
BRIDGET
Oh, don’t be so childish. Give that to me. It’s getting warm. I can feel… it’s starting to move!
ANNIE
H – that’s you, Hector.
BRIDGET & ANNIE
D-E-P-A-R-T
HECTOR
Deep art. Depart. Depart? But I am not leaving.
NICK
Depart. ‘Dearly departed’ means ‘dead’.
Sound of loud thunderclap/screams
HECTOR
That’s it! I am leaving!
ANNIE
Hector, sit down.
HECTOR
Aw, you are moving the glass, Bridget.
BRIDGET
No, I’m not. N – I think it’s for you, Nick.
NICK
Oh great. It’ll be about babes. 3? Three what?
BRIDGET
Didn’t your horoscope say “Beware of the number 3”?
ANNIE
Oh yeah!
NICK
You don’t believe that rubbish, do you?
BRIDGET
Of course I do. Don’t you?
HECTOR
Oh!
BRIDGET
Oh!
HECTOR
Oh!
ANNIE
Oh! Well, the lights are back on.
HECTOR
I’m tired.
BRIDGET
Why don’t you depart then.
NICK
Yeah, great idea. Come on, Hector, let’s go.
Boo!
Sound of thunder
NICK
Hector?
HECTOR
Eh?
NICK
Do you believe in horoscopes?
HECTOR
Of course not.
NICK
No, of course not. They’re silly. “Beware of black hair and the number three.”
HECTOR
Rubbish.
NICK
Yeah! It could’ve meant: beware of those three witches we met at the party.
HECTOR
Well, they did have black hair.
NICK
Or those three trick-or-treaters.
CHILDREN
Trick or treat!
NICK
Or the black cat. Huh!
What was that noise?
HECTOR
Probably the wind.
NICK
Yeah, wind. Hector?
HECTOR
Eh?
NICK
Can I get into your bed?
HECTOR
OK.
Sound of whimpering
NICK
I’m not afraid of the dark.
HECTOR
Nor am I.
NICK
I’ve only got one torch. It’s good to share.
Ah, the storm’s finished.
HECTOR
Shh! What’s that noise?
NICK
It’s in the room!
HECTOR
It’s getting nearer!
Sound of footsteps/knocking on door
NICK
Who’s that?
HECTOR
I don’t know. Nick, there is something touching my legs.
NICK
Well, it’s not me!
HECTOR
I know, but there is something touching my legs!
NICK
Aarrghhh!
ANNIE
Bernard, did you hear that scream?
BRIDGET
What are you doing?
BERNARD
I think Marbles is in there.
ANNIE
Right, we’re going in. Hector? Nick? What’s the matter?
BERNARD
Marbles! There you are! How’s your cold?
ANNIE
Are you two OK? What’s wrong?
BRIDGET
What’s wrong? Has the cat got your tongue?
COMMENTARY [v.o.]
Next time in EXTRA, Nick goes shopping, Hector tells Annie the truth, and why has Bridget got so many admirers? EXTRA, don’t miss it!